Every Day is Election Day

Hello, nice people of the intraweb…

Firstly, I’m really better, and starting to feel human again. Finally. I was, in a word, riddled. Exhaustion really kicked in and my immune system packed its bags, leaving me with a pounding head, vertigo-type dizziness, a septic throat, a Dylan Moran ‘dippy tummy’ and an ear infection of head pounding frustration. As of yesterday I can taste food again and my throat no long feels as if it’s wallpapered with sandpaper… and a glorious thing happened yesterday: I sneezed and the ear popped, so Amen, brother, I can hear again! I must say, it’s been a while since I’ve been so disorientated with sickness, my whole body just stopped working, and my mind started raving, I swear the dreams were just mad. Mental. I blame The Law.

Secondly, thank you all very much. Gav and I have really thrilled with the number of visitors to everydayiselectionday, which have been steadily increasing for the past few weeks, even before Gav’s insanely amazing Wordpress post (On that, ain’t he something? He’s so good, thanks for all the nice comments, he’s buzzing from them). We’re hitting about 120 a day, and it’s fuelling a drive to keep it up and maintain the good response we’ve been getting. I won’t lie, this was Gav’s brainchild (along with most other great/life changing things that come the Gavra/Ciava way) but I’m surprised at how much I’ve taken to it; I used to feel like an inappropriate visitor to other blogs I would (and continue to!) follow, but now I think I’ve earned my look in, and they can have a look back at me.

In the real world (not that the blogosphere isn’t real - y’all are real, right?) my all-time pet hate has to be people who take everything and give nothing in return, so I guess this is just me legitimising my presence as I skulk away on other people’s blogs, wondering in admiration how they can be so brave, so insanely hilarious and just downright honest and share all that with me, so eloquently and creatively. I don’t know many of the people whose blogs I read, but there is a lot of common ground out there and oh-so-many lessons to learn. I struggle to share as many of my thoughts and musings with you all to the extent to which I would like, and for that I apologise. I’ve never really written a truly ‘personal’ post before… it’s a oddity, really, especially since I am very open about my feelings/emotions with folk generally, whose who know me will know that (bloody hell - this is a couple’s blog, doesn’t get more open than that!).

I don’t know what exactly I’m afraid of; I’m a tough nut most of the time, pretty footloose and fancy-free, and have stood up to seriously difficult situations and come out strong and earnest to overcome/succeed – but for some reason, seeing those situations, just writing them down makes for a very difficult task. I’m also really conscious of the fact that on the greater scheme of things my ‘issues’ or ‘problems’ are whimsical and insignificant to the many serious and sobering real problems some people face. Such ‘issues’ are nothing new at any rate, nothing thought provoking, something you haven’t all been through. And I know a problem shared is a blog post, I mean, a problem halved… but I just can’t bring myself to type them… however, I’m hoping to change all that one post at a time.

That’s the bloody politician in me, I’m afraid to admit my shortcomings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful to have had the year that I did last year, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t cagey about people and their attitudes about me and my life after the Students’ Union sabbatical experience. You spend your whole year justifying your position, seeking validation and approval and hoping beyond hope that you won’t be ‘caught out’. You try so hard to be everything to everyone, to the point where you are so exhausted, you forget who you are yourself. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. And it was only at the end I realised that I didn’t want to play ball the same way my colleagues did, and if I could do some things differently now I would, but them’s the blows I guess. I ramble.

Anyways, the last thing you want to do is admit your failings, because if you note them, then sure as hell someone else will, and then it’s a REAL failing. So you brush it under the red carpet and you move on. You have this odd ‘confidence’ that is as shallow as your motivations, and a drive as ferocious as the fear that eats you up. I tried to articulate such feelings to the University Observer before I left, in an interview that I’d do so differently now, given activities and ‘liaisons’ of my colleagues I’ve learnt about that went on behind my back all year (most of it involving scamming money off students and the University, and sick and twisted jokes about some students who came for help. Disgusting.) I also came across some ridiculous ‘commentary’ between people who I clashed with on an issue last year, that was personal and vindictive (regarding my private and family life) that I would probably name and shame, nay ruin, for their own indiscretions and inactivity (I ruffled a few feathers with a motion of No Confidence; sorry if I demand standards for the Union) but there you go. I wanted to be loyal, even when they weren’t.

So I guess I have reason to feel nervous about juxtaposing my idle blog links with my inner deep thoughts for people like that to access. But I’m going to try to learn to share more, just as you do with me. All I can do is put it down to experience and try to learn from my year, just as I learn from all of you, and the wonderful thoughts and ideas you share on your blogs. And try to accept I’m only human. Horrors.

Thirdly, I’ve no real newsies, except for the fact I’ve revised my exam schedule for October; I’ve decided I’m not doing EU this time around. This is following extensive discussions and soul searching and a recommendation from my lecturer that I appear to be suffering from some PTSD (Post Treaty Stress Disorder). The drawing board that is Val Corbett suggested Land Law could be a runner, and who am I to disagree with Val? Honestly though, I was going off on ones about Lisbon in tirades of Bibi Baskin proportions (did you ever see the like?) in my homework, so it’s probably for the best.

Anyways, I’m off to watch Obama’s speech from Berlin (I’m catching up!), which is a perfect excuse for me to post this:

C x