Everytime a goal is scored:
1 shot of beer

Every sending off:
1 shot of Jager (or substitute)

Half time:
Absolutely no alcoholic beverages may be imbibed during this period.

Whenever Chris Kamara is talking:
You must be drinking.

Whenever Merson uses stupid rhyming slang
(i.e.”he’s hit the beans on toast”!):
1 shot of Jager

In the second half, all teams can only be referred to by their nicknames:
Failure to do so results in a 3 beer shot penalty.

Whenever Swindon Town appear on the videoprinter:
Last person to shout out ‘Mackerel’ takes shot of Jager.

Whenever Dundee appear on the videoprinter:
Last person to shout out ‘Football’ takes shot of Jager.

Everytime Phil Thompson says ‘Stevie Gerrard’:
3 shots of beer.

Everytime Jeff makes an ‘A Trialist’ joke:
3 shots of beer.

Everytime your team score:
2 extra shots of beer

Everytime Matty Taylor and ‘Goal of the Season’ are mentioned in the same sentence:
1 shot of Jager

Everytime Jeff calls Kenny Deucher ‘The Good Doctor’:
1 shot of Whisky

Any hint of racism (social or otherwise) from any of the pundits:
Quad bombs (4 Jager + Red Bull) all round

Everytime Hartlepool score a goal:
3 shots of beer

Everytime a pundit shouts off camera:
2 shots of beer

Everytime LeTiss is mentioned in connection with a takeaway:
1 shot of Jager

Whenever Chris Kamara says “its unbelievable, Jeff”:
all drinks must be downed

Everytime Jeff mentions “dancing in the streets of TNS”:
1 shot of jager

Everytime Jeff says “its Doom and Gloom at…”:
1 shot of jager

Everytime the team ‘Keith’ is referred to as just being one guy:
1 shot of jager

Everytime Brighton & Hove, or Daggers & Redbridge are jokingly referred to as two different teams playing the same opposition:
1 shot of jager

Everytime when Arbroath striker Kevin Webster scores and Stelling says “ohh, Sally will be pleased”:
1 shot of Jager.

Everytime anything bad happens to Craig Bellamy (injury, og, booked, arrested for assault etc.):
2 celebratory shots of the spirit of choice.